a borderline teacher: <s>borderline</s> teacher

Sunday, January 22, 2006

borderline teacher

Once upon a time, there was a girl called Cat. Cat found it hard to live life on life's terms and she struggled to achieve inner peace. Cat was a fortunate girl, because she had a wonderful family and a circle of good friends.

Cat discovered that success helped her to hold some of the peace she had been searching for. She tried out lots of different courses and finally realised that she was happiest when she was teaching and embarked on fulfilling this career. Despite her inner dischords, Cat worked hard to make her life worthwhile, trying to pinpoint the parts of her that got in the way. Cat gave up alcohol and tried to overcome the other factors, eventually engaging in some tough therapy and some time out from her beloved career, while she endeavoured to overcome her demons.

The ride was not a smooth one. Cat didn't always make the right decisions and she often hurt other people along the way. Again and again she tried to put things right, often needing to take several steps back down a path in order to get back onto the right one.

One day, Cat realised that she had fought the demons and, although they were still there, they were weakened and Cat was the strongest personality inside her now. She realised that the path ahead was a crucial one and she needed to focus hard on not tripping up while she walked it. If Cat let herself look back at the journey she had travelled she would see that it was so meandering and maze-like that there was no way she could turn back. Cat had to keep on going and the only way to do that was to look ahead.



Once I was just borderline. Then I was a borderline teacher for a while. Over the past 6 months I have worked through the borderline and am now on the brink of being teacher. Just teacher. Borderline in the context of the disorder is between psychosis and neurosis, but in the context of my career it it is between teacher and not.

I am very scared and feel quite alone, but that is the path I have chosen. Try to hold in your minds that, although I did do some awful things and I have been an awful person, I am not in that space anymore. I will always hold what I was inside me, because I do not deny it, but I can't wear it on my sleeve anymore.

14 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

You're not an awful perspn.

A

1:33 pm  
Anonymous Vicky said...

agreed. We do hold in our minds that you are not an awful person, because that thought was never there in the first place. You're doing brilliantly. Keep going.

4:40 pm  
Blogger R said...

Keep your head up Cat, and face the world head on...

We're all thinking of you

Sending hugs

R

5:24 pm  
Blogger anybody said...

Hugs. More hugs. Hang in there dear.

7:52 pm  
Blogger cobob said...

Cats always land on their feet, don't they? Every confidence in you, hun. Have another hug to add to the collection...

(Btw, I found a great website on cats landing on their feet, which includes the fantastic quote "As long as the cat doesn't land on something pointy, it's likely to walk away.". Worth reading at http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a5_190.html)

9:00 pm  
Blogger Vinny Quinn said...

Good luck teacher and keep going. And don't worry we're all borderline something or other.

9:59 pm  
Blogger Mental Nurse said...

Good luck :)

Fingers crossed

6:05 pm  
Blogger Polar Bear said...

Congratulations, Cat on finally having come to this point in your life. I'm glad you no longer see yourself in the "old space" anymore.

I do hope you continue to progress forward. I wish you all the best!

6:57 pm  
Blogger Rosey said...

I don't get it... I have been reading Cats blog for the past 3 months or so. Would this make any difference to the quality of teaching?

Cat is no threat to students.

Someone is just pathetic for reporting what I don't see as an issue.

Is this not more to do with "anon"s stigma of mental health problems.

7:09 pm  
Blogger NotQuiteHere said...

Good going hon!

(Wish I could say more, but I cant find the words right now).

1:03 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I really loved this entry. I came across your diary (after you put those entries from the TC on private, don't worry) when I was looking up the TC I am about to be referred to. And you've been a great help to me. And I LOVE seeing that it's possible to overcome this. I'm glad you are becoming 'just teacher' (and much more too). Good luck.

4:27 pm  
Blogger Bert Munger said...

I'm coming in late, but I'm appalled that a so called professional would think that having a disorder and talking about it in public would be reportable. I have personal issues myself, unfortunately, I also take care in what I disclose because of this sort of stigma.

Good luck with your teaching and recovery.

9:46 pm  
Blogger fairywoman said...

im a bit pissed as we speak.. i'm a psychiatric nurse diagnosed with Manic Depression, it's my birthday.......

8:07 pm  
Blogger Der said...

Hello there. I am currently enrolled at a university getting my degree to teach k-12 art. I too suffer from mental afflictions. I'm bipolar, a drug abuser, and a cutter. I worry about being able to handle my life and teaching, sometimes I think I WONT be able to handle it. Either way, thanks for sharing.

-Dreads

7:36 pm  

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